So of course I was really determined to keep a journal of my experiences - and haven't. Ha! The Milwaukee Rep has been amazing thus far. I love my apartment - I've found I really enjoy living alone, which was kind of a surprise. I think it helps to be "alone" - but have friends down the hall. It's that whole dorm life that I missed out on at Cornish. I understudied a small part in STATE OF THE UNION, the first show of the season and pulled myself out of the running for EURYDICE to go to New York (more on that later!). But up next is A CHRISTMAS CAROL - and I was beyond thrilled to get cast as "Martha Cratchit". There aren't always a lot of opportunities to actually get cast IN the shows - so I'm really excited - especially since I most likely wont be cast in any of the upcoming show this season - unless they really wanna go the color blind casting route. But... yeah. haha

I helped with a workshop today with the kids in ACC - and they are all so ridiculously cute and talented! Most of them already have their lines memorized, and they have some mock blocking so that when we start up rehearsals, they will be comfortable to play. The Rep has such a great teaching program and environment that I really admire and appreciate.

So! NEW YORK! Wowwwww -- I loved it. I loved every minute of it - even though I got sick, I believe from a street vendor hot dog (yeah, I know...bad choice?). But it was so amazing to BE THERE - and to be WORKING there! My first time in New York - and to work! I am absolutely in LOVE with the show THE YELLOW WOOD, written by Danny Larsen and Michelle Elliot. They are such an incredible team of writers. Even now, back in Milwaukee, all I can listen to is THE YELLOW WOOD demo - the music is stuck in my head constantly. (I have had "180" stuck in my head the past couple days - including right now)

I stayed with Sara - which was so nice of her to take me in for 10 days! Brandon was the assistant director - which made everything so much easier! We commuted together and hung out a lot before and after rehearsals while Sara was stage managing her show! We saw a BUNCH of theatre while we were there! GYPSY starring Patti LuPone, SPRING AWAKENING, AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY, BILLY ELLIOT THE MUSICAL, 13 (which would have LOVED if I was still thirteen...), BEDROOM FARCE (the show Sara SMed), IN THE HEIGHTS... Brandon and I went to a dinner cabaret called something along the lines of, "DANCE NUMBERS FROM MUSICALS YOU HAVEN'T [YET] HEARD OF" which was fantastic as well! Randy, who played "Casserole" in THE YELLOW WOOD had two of the songs he'd written in the show - and they were hilarious!

One of my favorite nights was going to The Duplex, a piano bar. You sign up on the list to sing, then the pianist will accompany you on ANY song - he either knows how to play it (which was about 80% of the songs!) or had music for it. He was INCREDIBLE. I sang "I'd Give Me Life For You" - as per Sara, and the pianists, request. It was soooo fun and energizing to sing some musical theatre in a room full of people who love and appreciate musicals too.

THE YELLOW WOOD was fantastic. FAN-TASTIC! The majority of the cast had already done it before at other showcases and workshops - so I felt the heat of learning all the music and hearing it for the first time - but I think I kept up pretty well, for the most part. It sure did slam my sight reading back into demand! haha

Danny and Michelle, again, are completely brilliant. Danny was so nice and offered me his bed if I couldn't find anywhere to stay, and bought me a subway pass for the week. I think they basically had to produce everything - and I'm sure that was incredibly costly. After the show closed, they sent me the nicest E-Card telling me I was the best "Gwen" they'd ever had - which was so touching. I was just relieved to make them proud. It's hard to not do such a brilliantly written show well. It's all in the given text and music. I think the brilliance was in their writing if anything!

Every now and again as Brandon and I were walking around NYC or in rehearsals, I would pinch myself. Was I really WORKING in NEW YORK on a musical?! I know it wasn't a full blown Broadway production - but all the same - I couldn't have been more thrilled working in The National Alliance for Musical Theatre's 20th Annual Festival of New Musicals. It's being in the birth place of where new good shows start. I wish sooo badly for THE YELLOW WOOD to get picked up. To be a part of the start of this show was an honor. And I wish the world for Danny and Michelle. They have already won a ton of awards for their work and for this show - and they deserve it.

New York didn't turn out to be the crazy scary place I always pictured. It was kind of everything and nothing I always imagined. I mean, I didn't get mugged, the people were waaaay nicer and more helpful than rumored, I didn't get (too) lost, I loved the buzz and energy of the city, and there were most shows than I could even imagine! Granted, if I were to ever move there on a whim to try and make it - it'd be a lot more difficult than this trip. I am so lucky to have gotten this show the way I did. I didn't have to do a big cattle call audition - I just got one of the best phone calls of my life asking me to come. But I hope that if I keep working hard, and dreaming big - that maybe one day it'll all happen.

This all sounds really cheesy - but seriously, the 10 days that I spent in New York were a complete dream come true. It was so surreal. The people I worked with were so ridiculously talented - it was inspiring to work with people like that. Everyone was on their A game all the time - and yet still managed to be loose and have fun.

I hope to work there again - and if I could dream really big - I'd wanna work their again doing THE YELLOW WOOD when it debuts on Broadway! I want the best for this show and all those involved with it!

So I was determined to do some journaling during my time here in Milwaukee - and so here I go!

I got the opportunity to be a part of one of the best internships possible in Milwaukee, WI at the Milwaukee Repertory Theatre. Not going to lie - when I found out I got the internship, I almost threw up. I was sooo scared to leave home for the first time - I would be away from Zac, my family, my friends, my home, Seattle - I didn't know how I was going to do it. I was pretty terrified.

Now that I am here, I have been doing surprising well. I have gotten a bit homesick from time to time, but honestly, I find myself constantly doing things that it's been keeping me really busy. Tomorrow I get to do my first official understudy rehearsal so it'll be my first really long day! I have an intern meeting at 9:15am, followed by understudy rehearsal from 12:30-5pm, then I was asked by the the director for A Christmas Carol to come and read the part of Martha for the children's callbacks from 5:45-9pm! I don't know if it's in anyway a callback/audition for me as well, but either way, I was stoked to have had her request me! It would be quite the icing of the cake to be cast in the actual show, not just as an understudy - much less as a character with lines!! For ACC (A Christmas Carol), I really want to do the barbershop quartet. They have 4 interns do Christmas caroling around Milwaukee to advertise the show -- and oooooooh I would LOVE to get back into a barbershop! Did it all through high school and LOVED IT! Any chance to do music - I AM DOWN FOR!

Speaking of which - David Koch, a director from Seattle who remembered me from a gig I did through Cornish, offered to hold a musical theatre audition class next Monday on our day off - which would be soooo great! He is such a nice guy - I talked to him during a huge part of the Rep picnic yesterday and am thrilled to be meeting people - especially people from home. Jimi Ray, who was in "Rodgers And..." with me is also here! SMALL WORLD! He is the star in the show David is directing, "Isn't It Romantic" which Jimi Ray helped create with inspirations from "Rodgers And..." It's so nice to have Seattle-ites here. And Jimi Ray being the sweetheart he is, has apparently been talking me up to David - and so David is really excited to hear me sing. It'd be awesome to work with him - he directs musicals - in Seattle when I come home!

Speaking of awesome things -- Brandon Ivie. LOVE HIM. He has hooked me up with a chance to be in the reading of "The Yellow Wood" in New York directed by Tony winner and genius actor D.B. Wong!! They called me telling me that they were, "Really, really interested" in me!! I would be sooo thrilled for the chance to work with B.D. Wong - holy camole!! It would be at the NAMT - where a lot of musicals get their start to Broadway!! It's a 45 minute cutting of the show to show to directors, theatres, etc to pick up. So that would be a crazy awesome opportunity. Brent, the intern director, is doing his best to make it work!

Anyhow - Zac, who has been the most amazing and supportive boyfriend EVER, is at his parents in Gold Bar and wants to chat a bit. God I miss him so much. I'll write more later!

Good night!!

Diana

So! My parents went to this "life changing, awesome" seminar earlier this year and decided that it was something they wished they could have taken in their twenties - so they signed me up for it. I was a little hesitant and not quite so eager to go to this two day, 20 hour total seminar all alone, knowing that most of the people would most likely be middle aged adults.

And of course, I went - and loved it! I learned a lot about needing to stick up for myself and be firm and take care of me. During one of the exercises at lunch the second day (yesterday), I realized that I had never eaten a meal in public on my own. So I made a goal to do that someday.

And I did it today! The day after the seminar! I had always had absolutely NO interest whatsoever to eat out alone. I didn't want to feel like a loser or a loner, and I was always afraid of how others might look at me or judge me. But today, I took myself out for a bowl of pho - and I really enjoyed it! It was actually liberating.

Then later, I talked to a friend on the phone and practiced being more firm and standing my ground -- not in a mean way at all, but just not falling to someone else's power, and holding my own -- and there were a ton of new changes and my goal that I wanted to accomplish through talking to her was reached!

I highly suggest the seminar to anyone! If you're interested in more details, go to www.joancasey.com She's amazing and it's really helped me make some great changes in my life!

I finally got a job! I'm now going to be working at The Seattle Space Needle! Wha-whoo! I had my interview this morning and then they put me through directly to my second interview with my new boss, and then she sent me to get my drug test - then I got home and got a call that I got the job! Whew! Sooo that's a big worry off my mind. I don't know my schedule yet.. but I'm PRAYING that I get my Tuesdays and Wednesdays off like I requested... if I can't see Zac at all this summer, it's just gonna suck. She told me that she couldn't promise me those days off because it's a seniority system - BUT! It's possible because most people want weekends off. So! I'm keeping my fingers CROSSED. HARD.

In crap news. I had a one night gig last night through Cornish greeting guests to a fancy party - and in the garage on the way there, after Tina, Joshua and I were already thirty minutes late because of crrrappppppy Seattle traffic, I skimmed the side of my car along the wall while trying to park in a spot - and it's not the worst thing that could have happened - but it's pretty damn bad. It dented in the door and ripped off the paint - and parts of it are totally cut down into the metal. And the door doesn't fit perfectly at the bottom anymore.. and it's all sad and ugly and probably, of course, expensive. Rah. Oh well, at least I didn't hurt anyone else's car -- because THAT is major money, and no one got hurt. Right? POSITIVE. ...sad.

Tomorrow and Sunday I have a two day, all day workshop that my parents signed me up for. It's some life finding thing that's supposed to help me grow a whole ton, yadda yadda yadda. But it interferes with two weekend birthday things for my friends -- so I wont be able to stay out too late, which really sucks. Oh well. That's life. Could be much worse, right?

Anyhow, I'm relived to have gotten a job - and a little stressed about the schedule and my car...and telling my parents. So I'm kinda anxious about that. And about this weekend.. WISH ME LUCK!

Soooo -- I'm feeling the time crunch of May ending -- and me still being unemployed... I'm not gonna lie when I say it's getting a bit terrifying. However, I am hopefully going to be able to move with Sarah and Ryan to Seattle in July rather than August -- so I am going to start looking for jobs in Seattle this Tuesday when I'm there. I just hope I can find something good and something quick - soon!

BUT! On a lighter more summer fun note -- I have been having the best summer! Tomorrow for Memorial Day, I'm (hopefully, if it all doesn't fall through!) going to Gas Works with Zac and my friends Erika and Marty from high school for a nice Memorial Day picnic! I'm super excited about that! Then Tuesday night, Zac's heading up to Mukilteo with me to have dinner and a movie night with me and my parents - which will be awesome, I'm sure! And Wednesday we're going to finally see Pirates -- which I can't wait for! Hopefully this week will be topped off perfectly with some employment!! THAT would make this week totally rock for me!

Wish me luck!

Soooooo! LiveJournal! Totally kinda forgot about it - again. And reading back on my last (and only) two entries -- all I have to say is LAME! haha Fuck all that sad and irritable and depressed emo broken betrayed heart talk -- I AM HAPPY! :) This past school year has been so refreshing to me. Not to sound all emo or what not again, but I really did lose a big part of myself before -- and I was super emotionally unhealthy and blah blah blah, cry cry cry -- but GOD! To just be happy again and to feel like myself and to be content with where I am and who I am -- is amazing. I have some really great people in my life and I have had some great experiences. We just closed Beggar's Opera Saturday, and may I just say, to get to sing onstage again was one of the most rejuvenating things for me?! It really kills me to not get to perform music more -- perhaps that's something to look into when I'm done with Cornish...??

Anyhow, I am supposed to be working on my last HS paper... I should probably do that. I really need to keep up my GPA and I don't want it to drop because of an HS class! Time to focus.

So -- time to vent. LIFE. It's LIFE. It's all a part of life. BOO. I'm going through that stage where life sucks. There's so much to love and be happy about -- but there's so much that just ... sucks. For lack of a better word.

A lot of the things that have happened in the past two days have not even been directed toward me -- yet I think that's part of what sucks. Sometimes it's just nicer to be respected while being disrespected...ya know? But time will heal a broken heart -- and broken hearts are also great when you have Hal's class and are supposed to write sonnets. They aid as inspiration. Here's what spilled out in all of five minutes yesterday.

Your carelessness fills me with burning rage
Yet your absence is a small relief too
I feel like my heart’s still trapped in a cage
No matter the distance I still feel you

I want to forget the pain you caused me
And mend my broken heart back to a whole
But I’m scared that I can’t, because you see,
A piece of my heart you will always hold.

Your first love is one that you can’t forget
Because of this, you’ll always haunt my dreams
These returning tears will keep my cheeks wet
No matter how much time goes by it seems

Years may go by, but forever you’ll stay
This haunting first love, just wont go away.


So -- that's that.
I'm so upset that things in life can still affect me -- even when I dont want to be affected anymore. I dont wanna care about anything -- and I hate that I do -- because I thought I wouldnt. But that's all a part of the process. Damn I hate that word.
Screw everything, I'm goin to bed.

I decided that instead of adding onto my old Live Journal account that I haven't touched since June 2005, I would create a new one and focus on the here and now -- on who I am now and where I am in life.

So many big changes and huge transitions for me lately... I have taken a few huge leaps of faith to try and reconnect myself to a happier, healthier me. I'm hoping that I am indeed on that path. I think right now I feel safe to say that I am happy, which is something I now realize, I wasn't truly before.

I've always been such a "people pleaser". I would rather make someone else happy, even if it meant fore-fitting my own happiness -- and I am really working on that. I'm really working on living for me and taking care of me.

I'm really excited to start my junior year at Cornish next week. It's been really great seeing everybody the past two days for audtions -- it really pumped me up! I am really determined to break through some walls this year and tackel a few of my weaker points in acting and grow.

Anyway, in order to do so, I should probably STOP blabbing and continue familiarizing myself with the Peer Gynt script for the last day of call backs tomorrow! Eek, I'm so nervous!!

I'm excited to continue my life from where I am right now -- one step at a time.